


Magical Mishaps of a European Postman

by TauBetaTuba19



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Comedy, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28234947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TauBetaTuba19/pseuds/TauBetaTuba19
Summary: (Set in the same Universe as both of Bri Nara's fics "its a small world after all" and "It's Raining Women")Slovenia is just your average International Courier Service carrier running letters and parcels across Europe. But when England's magic starts interfering with his job, Slovenia tries to carry on. But between magic affecting him and his limited supply of alcohol on hand, Slovenia's patience is running very thin.My work needs improvement and I would love feedbackI own nothing , Hetalia belongs to Himaruya, Bri Nara's work belongs to her, and any Yugotalia characters belong to Tix.





	1. Small Problems

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [its a small world after all](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/729591) by Bri Nara. 



Slovenia trudged up the snow-covered steps to the large Swedish country home. He had a few letters for Sweden and Finland, and a package for Sealand.  
**BRRIINNNG**  
Slovenia pressed the doorbell as he started pushing the letters through the mail slot. He sat the package down, wondering if they’d come get it because he was sure Sealand wouldn’t want him to leave it in the snow. It was something from Latvia, and he was sure it was a game of some sort.  
A deep yell came from inside the house, followed by a shrill sounding shriek. Slovenia knocked on the door again, and he heard clomping boots on the inside. 

With a comedic thud, Slovenia went flying over the railing as a blur of light blue burst through the door. Slovenia landed in a deep pile of snow as the Finnish blur disappeared over the horizon. 

After a nice hot cup of coffee on the way down to Vienna, Slovenia was at Mr. Austria’s house. It wasn’t the same manor he’d grown up in, but it was rather nice and very fitting to the Central European aristocrat. 

“Roderich Eldstein…Mr. Austria…Mr…Sucky Pianist?” Slovenia read aloud as he took the letters out of his mail bag. He knew the last one was from Prussia, and he just shrugged.  
Slovenia stepped up to the door and knocked loudly, before sliding the letters into the mail slot.  
A feeling hit him, and Slovenia suddenly realized he was looking up at the door. He glanced down, to see he was suddenly much shorter than he’d been just a second ago. Slovenia caught sight of his reflection in the dark glass by the door. He was barely taller than he was when he first came to live with Mr. Austria.  
He was so panicked, Slovenia barely heard the shouts inside, and the thumping of shoes on the hardwood floors.  
**KABOOM**  
Chibi-Slovenia went flying across the yard as a very pissed off Hungary charged down the sidewalk carrying a small black-haired figure. With a thud, he slammed into a tree and slid down into a pile of leaves. By the time Slovenia could dig himself out, Hungary and Austria were miles away.  
As Slovenia popped up out of the pile of leaves, he dug into the pocket of his jacket and grabbed a now very small flask.  
“I’m taking that vacation Seychelles offered me...Europe is giving me a headache…” He muttered quietly as he took a swig. He walked over to the motorcycle he’d ridden in on, and immediately realized he had a new problem…he was too small to work the motorcycle. Another long swig and a string of Slovenian swears later…he sat on Mr. Austria’s doorstep and tried to figure out what to do.  
Slovenia dug out his cell phone and scrolled through the contacts. He knew the Balkans were out, they’d die laughing before they’d even get him help. Mr. Romania could probably help; he was always making use of magic. However, Slovenia wasn’t sure he could get there like this, he’d probably get picked up by Austrian police because he basically looked like he did back in 1800, and this time he didn’t think his diplomatic papers would help. Unfortunately, neither Liechtenstein, Switzerland, nor even Italy were picking up. Even Germany’s cell phone was going straight to voicemail. Finally, he came to Czechia’s name, and realized if he kept going, he would run out of countries that either knew who he was or would help him.  
Czechia and Slovakia were luckily home and came to help once Slovenia called and asked for some help in getting to Mr. Romania’s. She seemed okay with the answer that he was “in a little problem” and soon they arrived in their car to help the poor Slovene.

“Help” meaning that they spent the first 10 minutes rolling around laughing so hard that they both turned purple.  
“Hello there “Little Brother!” Czechia laughed as she took a picture of the pouting Slavic chibi that was currently consuming a copious amount of juice. Slovakia had said he would buy the nation some juice, which Slovenia accepted because he’d run out of alcohol in his flask. Slovakia proceeded to bring him juice in a child’s sippy cup. Slovenia was obviously not amused, but his Slavic siblings were dying so hard from laughter. Czechia turned away as she typed out a message on her phone and muttered “Ukraine is going to lose it when she sees this!” Slovakia laughed in agreement and looked at his phone to hit send. 

___________________________________________________  
America’s phone buzzed loudly.  
He pulled it out and looked at the screen. He nearly fell out of the chair laughing so hard.  
“Ve! What’s got you all laughing America?” Italy asked as he twirled up some more pasta onto his fork.  
America wiped back tears of laughter as he held up the phone for everyone to see. Everyone crowded around, and soon they were all laughing. A very angry looking chibi wearing a mailman’s outfit with an oversized hat on sat there holding a sippy cup and pouting. The only identifying feature was a small Slovenian flag embroidered on his sleeve.  
Below that was a text from Slovakia, which read “LOL tell Britain this was the best spell ever!”  
“Oh Bollocks!” England shouted as he saw the picture, “Now I’ve done it. Slovenia won’t bring me my cooking magazines.”  
Norway looked over at Britain, and in a dull tone, said “Well then, I’ll have to give him a Nobel Prize for culinary service to the world.”  
The entire room erupted in uproarious laughter. Even the normally stoic Sweden and Switzerland couldn’t help but chuckle. England stood in the center very much annoyed with being the butt of every joke. He shot a glare up at the ceiling, and only saw the author, a Dominican girl with glasses and a ponytail shrug and say “I didn’t write this one, you’re on your own.” 

Finally, after tormenting the poor Slovene nation for another 5 minutes, Czechia and Slovakia happily agreed to help him out. They took him to the Mercedes Benz they’d arrived in…and immediately put Slovenia into a car seat… the pouting continued with the two central Europeans snickering.  
Romania nearly choked on his tea when he saw the scowling Slovene chibi, and spent about five minutes saying nothing but laughing as hard as he possibly could. This set Slovakia and Czechia off again, and so Slovenia sat on the floor with a scowl as the other nations lay on the floor surrounding him and cackled with laughter.  
“Yeah, I heard from Norway that Britain has been messing up a “de-aging” spell, and he’s managed to turn half of Europe into children, including Sweden and Switzerland.” Romania said with a chuckle as he set up the ritual chamber. “Honestly, I’m surprised Switzerland hasn’t murdered him yet.”  
Slovenia, who sat in the middle of the circle, chuckled, “If I know my cousin, Liechtenstein won’t let him kill anyone, at least until he’s back to normal. Then she’ll probably let him hurt England a little bit.”  
“Anyways, it’s a good thing you came here, because from what China’s told me, its kind of a mess over there.” Romania said as he put on his hood. “I’ll get this thing started and you can get back to normal.”  
Soon Slovenia was back to normal size, and after a small payment to Romania, and a paid for dinner for Czechia and Slovakia, the very exhausted and bruised Slovene went home and collapsed on his bed.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Slovenia trudged up to the steps of China’s house, he had asked Bhutan if he could cover China, as a bunch of his nations were there. Bhutan happily agreed, saying he wanted to stay away from the chaos of China’s house for a while.  
He knocked loudly as always, but before he could start filling the mailbox, the door opened, and a familiar face appeared, albeit much shorter than usual. Greece stood there, a cat perched on his head fast asleep.  
“Ah hello Greece.” Slovenia said as he held up the envelopes and a small bag. “I don’t suppose you’d mind bringing these in for me. I’d go in but considering what happened to me, I’ll probably end up grievously harming Britain.”  
Greece nodded, and Slovenia handed over the letters. He handed over the bag, which Greece noted appeared to be dripping, and was addressed to Britain. After a brief explanation, Slovenia turned and headed back down to his motorcycle as Greece returned inside. 

“Dudes! Mail’s here!” America shouted as he poured more cereal into his bowl. The nations shuffled over and began taking letters addressed to them. Austria smiled as Greece handed the order of sheet music he’d ordered the day of his…shrinking. Hungary, Poland, and Liechtenstein seemed happy with their fashion magazines, and Switzerland’s copy of “Firearms Monthly” made him happy enough. The others took the letters they'd been expecting, and China glared at the large stack of bills. 

“OH BOLLOCKS!” A shrill British voice called out. The nations looked up, to see Britain holding a soaking wet bag.  
“Oh that…” Greece muttered, “Slovenia said there was a little accident on the way over here and your magazines fell into the water.” The Asian nations looked at Greece inquisitively, as Slovenia usually did not deliver their mail. But when they saw the small grin on Greece’s face, the realization struck.  
The room was full of laugher as Britain pulled out a soaked cooking magazine that immediately fell apart. He glared up at the ceiling and realized even the ponytailed Dominican author was on the floor laughing. He simply sat down and pouted.  
“Well, I better prepare that Nobel Prize.” Norway said dryly as he took a bite of his breakfast sandwich. 

Meanwhile, Austria had logged into his home security page. He never wanted the thing, as it was expensive, but his government insisted he have it. At least they paid for it, so he decided it was at least worth checking. He watched the feed from the day of his shrinking, seeing nothing unusual. But suddenly, just a few minutes before the shrinking...  
"Um, Miss Hungary? Come here." Austria called out. Hungary appeared behind the chibi standing on China's computer chair (he had permission) Austria hit play on the video.  
Slovenia was on the feed, busily sorting through mail while standing by the door. Suddenly, before their eyes, the small Slavic nation grew three sizes smaller as he suddenly shrunk. His now oversized mail hat falling over his eyes. 

Suddenly, the door exploded open, and a blur shot out down the sidewalk. Both Austria and Hungary however, were focused on the sight of their former charge getting flung like a kicked soccer ball straight into a tree, before he slid down into the pile of leaves beneath it. Both of the Central Europeans cringed, and glanced at each other uneasily. It brought back the memory of them sending him to join the Navy back in the 1910s, and then seeing the ship he was on capsize and sink. 

"Oh no...poor Slovenia..." Austria said, Hungary nodded, and mentally noted that she was going to be extra nice to Slovenia at Christmas this year.


	2. Magical Mystery Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months have passed since the "Chibi Incident" and life has mostly returned to normal in the world. Until England decides to pay back France once and for all with some magic spells. 
> 
> Slovenia's alcohol supplies can't even handle this chaos. So he begins plotting his revenge. 
> 
> (Note: This contains minor spoilers for "It's Raining Women", nothing too major, but a few characters get mentioned as being turned into women. Sorry about that but its nothing story breaking.) 
> 
> Hetalia doesn't belong to me, Slovenia doesn't belong to me, Bri Nara's work doesn't belong to me.

Slovenia hopped off his motorcycle outside of the familiar British house. He pulled out a stack of envelopes, mostly bills and something for a “Bartholomew”, and a copy of “Perverts Weekly.” He checked his manifest and grimaced. He opened the small compartment on his motorcycle and took out the large container of…women’s swimsuits.  
Sigh, why was every country in Europe so weird? Sure, he was a bit of a drinker, but you didn’t see him ordering flag bikini swimsuits. He didn’t get involved in Western European politics; they made his head spin. Sometimes Slovenia even just wished he could be as neutral as his big sister, just live out his days admiring the scenic Slovenian countryside and climbing mountains.  
He hit the doorbell and a proud Rule Britannia chime echoed through the house. There was a scuffle on the other side of the door, and a voice came through. “Yes, who is it?” It sounded like England…but after he’d inhaled several balloons of helium.  
“It’s Slovenia, I brought the mail…and the package you ordered…” Slovenia said, the confusion in his voice apparent.  
“Very good! J-just sit it on the doorstep! I’ll put your tip through the mail slot. As England said that, an envelope appeared through the mail flap. Slovenia bent down and grabbed the envelope, but then looked up. “I do need you to sign for this package, I can’t give it to you without a signature.” He held up a clipboard to the peek sight on the big oak doorway.  
“Oh. Bloody hell just let me sign it through the door, I-I’m not decent right now…Just got out of the shower!”   
Slovenia held the clipboard and a pen up to the small gap that opened in the doorway. England’s arm appeared and took the pen and began signing. Slovenia glanced at the fingernail polish on England’s hand, as well as the longer nails. He said nothing but rolled his eyes. Western Europeans were so weird.  
“Dude! Who’s at the door?” A bright helium filled voice called from inside. It sounded like America, but different. England stammered something about the “bloody postman” and dropped the pen. Slovenia bent down to grab it when the door exploded open. With a shower of letters and thumping of boxes, Slovenia went tumbling onto the lawn as someone landed on him. He looked up, and his confusion grew even more apparent.  
England…had long blonde hair and a green skirt that matched his…no her jacket. The unmistakable pair of eyebrows and the very annoyed gaze told Slovenia it was Britain. The one who landed on him was America…who was also a girl, wearing that brown bomber jacket and a pair of grey sweatpants. Slovenia awkwardly moved his hand from where it had been laying against America’s…. mountains…   
Slovenia put two and two together quickly, especially with the previous incident still fresh in his mind. And on his face, as the bruises from Finland and Hungary slamming him with doors were still visible. He was going to start wearing a helmet now. His medical bills were getting expensive.   
“Spell mess up?” Slovenia muttered. England and America looked at him and just nodded. “Then that’s all I need to know. Just don’t mess with the Balkans please…I don’t think we need an angry Serbian woman killing all of us…” Britain nodded quietly as she stood back up.  
America got off Slovenia and hauled the mail carrier nation up to his feet. She dusted him off and smiled. “Sorry, I just had to see who was at the door.” England handed Slovenia another 5 pounds to not say a word about this to the other unaffected nations.  
As they headed back inside, Slovenia pulled out his flask and took a swig before making the sign of the cross and mumbling a short prayer in Slovenian.  
Europe is so weird.

_______________________________________________________________

Slovenia hopped off the motorcycle outside the plain looking Swiss chateau. He pulled out a small stack of envelopes, a murder mystery novel, and a copy of “Firearms Monthly”  
He got up to the porch, knocked on the door, and was putting the mail through a mail slot when something came over him. He suddenly felt…different. He felt weight on the front of his chest and glanced down. As he did so, a loose strand of long blonde hair dropped down into his vision.  
“Oh for God’s Sake…England!” He muttered as he noticed a pair of features bulging under his mail carrier’s jacket. This was worse than the time France drunkenly vomited on Slovenia during the afterparty for V-E Day. No this was worse than Serbia dumping a bucket of paint on him at the last Balkan Conference…In his…now her head, Slovenia made a mental note that at the next conference, she would do the worst thing possible to pay back Britain.  
A shout and noises could be heard inside the house, and thumping feet could be heard approaching the doorway. Slovenia looked up and only just mumbled “Not again…”  
Before she could react, the door exploded outwards, sending a flurry of letters and magazines across the porch. It also sent Slovenia tumbling into the yard…again. Thankfully, she was wearing her motorcycle helmet this time, so it didn’t hurt as much.  
“Um…Slovenia? I’m sorry…I didn’t see you at the door…” A familiar sounding Swiss voice said.  
Slovenia looked up, to see two blonde figures standing in front of him. One was Switzerland, seemingly unchanged. The other…  
“Liechtenstein?” Slovenia asked as she removed her helmet. Blonde hair spilled out, much longer than Slovenia liked her hair to be spilled out. God she was going to murder England for this. Liechtenstein looked roughly the same…except he now had short blonde hair and masculine clothing.  
“Ja, it’s me Slovenia…” Liechtenstein said in a deeper masculine voice. “I see Mr. Britain also got you in this mess.” Slovenia noted absentmindedly that Liechtenstein still had the purple ribbon hanging from his much shorter hair. Slovenia pushed the long hair out of her eyes again, God that was going to drive her nuts.  
Slovenia nodded, still somewhat numbed by the shock. As Switzerland helped Slovenia up, Liechtenstein ran inside, coming out a few minutes later with a hair band. It wasn’t perfect, but Slovenia wouldn’t have hair in her eyes with it.   
Switzerland impatiently waited while Liechtenstein helped him pick up the scattered mail, before hurrying off to the UK to grievously harm England.

Slovenia pulled out her flask and took a very long swig. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The Yugoslavs reacted exactly that he expected.   
Serbia was in a ball on the floor laughing so hard he was crying. Croatia was reclined on a chair, also giggling hysterically. Bosnia and Herzegovina were cackling with laughter from the couch, and Albania and Macedonia were laughing while fiddling with Slovenia’s hair. Liechtenstein’s hair band helped hold back most of the hair, but the two female Balkans were going to style Slovenia’s hair, so it was manageable. Slovenia just sat glumly and took swigs from her flask.  
Serbia popped up and pulled up his camera to take another picture of the scowling and slightly tipsy blonde nation, before falling back into the hysterically laughing ball. “I think you look great as a girl Slovene!” Serbia cackled between laughs. “I’d totally ask you out on a date!” Croatia said nothing, but he knew that those photos were probably all over Facebook at this point.   
____________________________________________________________________________________________ Meanwhile at a certain British household  
“Oh crap!” America said as she stared down at her cell phone. A few curious nations crowded around, and a few mouths dropped open.  
What was unmistakably a female Slovenia sat on a chair as Albania and Macedonia styled her hair into a manageable style. Croatia had captioned the picture “LOL Britain’s magic mess ups can be funny! @alfredtheherojones”  
A few nations started cackling with laughter, as France started remarking how beautiful female Slovenia was. A flash of a cast iron frying pan wielded by an angry Hungarian quickly shut him up. Hungary quickly glared at the quite perturbed England, who was utterly dumbstruck that she had once again pissed off the mild-mannered postman. England dreaded how Slovenia would pay her back now. Dunking his cooking magazines in the Yangtze River was one thing…but this would probably be even worse than that. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

“You know once we get this sorted out…I’m going to kill all of you for this…” Slovenia muttered as the room erupted into laughter again at her high-pitched voice. 

Austria seemed unfazed by Slovenia’s sudden new appearance as a woman. After he’d finished choking on his tea.  
“I see England’s spells have hit you again?” He said as he took the folder of sheet music he’d ordered. Slovenia glumly nodded. Austria raised an eyebrow as he noticed that someone had done Slovenia’s hair into long braids. Like this, he almost looked like a taller Liechtenstein back when she was younger.  
“Well anyways, I’m glad to see you’re carrying on. You’ll get this fixed soon enough.” Austria said as he closed the door. Slovenia trudged back to her motorcycle glumly. 

Czechia and Slovakia couldn’t take their mail. Because they were both completely purple from how hard they were laughing.  
“You make such a pretty girl sestra!” Czechia blurted out between laughs. Slovakia was so overcome with laughter that he couldn’t speak. Eventually Slovenia sat the letters down and just left, leaving the pair to laugh away to their heart’s content. Slovenia took an extremely long swig of her flask, hoping that the poor flask would last long enough to finish her rounds. 

________________________________________________________________________________________-

Ukraine was more supportive of Slovenia’s situation, especially knowing that Russia was also involved in this crazy mix up. She offered Slovenia some tea and brunch, which the Slavic nation happily agreed to. 

Estonia choked on his coffee when he found the Slovenian girl standing on his doorstep holding the computer parts he’d ordered. Latvia had actually fainted, and after being assured by Estonia that he was fine, Slovenia headed back to her motorcycle to make the last rounds of Europe. 

The familiar British home stood before her. Slovenia already knew the situation was pretty messed up, but now seeing the marks of damage from rambunctious nations all over the yard and house, she knew it had gotten much worse.   
“Hey dudes! Mail’s here!” America said as she opened the door much more calmly this time. Slovenia was happy at least to see America first, because she was certain England would’ve had a broken nose if she’d opened the door first.  
Slovenia handed over the mail, having figured out who was here and who wasn’t based on who was affected by the mess. Many letters and magazines, as well as another mystery novel were handed over. England’s bills were also handed over, along with any diplomatic mail.   
“So there was another…accident with England’s cooking magazines.” Slovenia said as she handed over three charred and bullet hole riddled magazines. America laughed, but then noticed the glint in Slovenia’s eyes. “Tell England this isn’t the last thing. she’ll need to watch out for the next world conference.”  
America nodded and turned to take the mail inside as Slovenia headed back to her motorcycle. Her vengeance would be a world shattering revelation that would absolutely pay back the magic failures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter two was funny enough, written before chapter 1, this was originally just me messing around with my writing thoughts. 
> 
> I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it, I'm not great with writing yet, but I'm happy to give it my best shot.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So this is obviously a very non-serious Comedy fic (If Slovenia's running gag of constantly being injured by doors indicates that)  
> The stories both involve Britain attempting spells that fail horribly and cause problems for his fellow nations, the first story has them turn into chibi versions of themselves, and the second story has them turn into their Nyo-Talia counterparts. I have no spoilers in my story that would ruin either one.  
> 
> 
> So the gag with Britain looking up and seeing the author is something Bri Nara did a lot in her stories. The author he’s looking at is her. She constantly would have the nations push the Fourth Wall to its breaking point by interacting directly with her, and I felt it was appropriate to include that to make the scenes stand out.
> 
> Bri Nara is a Dominican-American writer who writes for multiple fandoms, including obviously Hetalia. She has Her two stories I have based this on were my first real Hetalia fan fiction stories, and I really credit her with helping me get the courage and idea to start fan fic writing. If you read this Bri, thank you so so much! Your stories always bring me so much laughter and smiles whenever I read them.


End file.
